So now what, you bunch of know-it-alls?

No really. I'd like to know what you people have to say. I know what you said. You said "go to school" and "get off your ass." Well... I listened. I heard at least a thousand "follow your dreams." I listened. It's great to have a support system; A network of friends and family to get behind you and give you a pat on the back when you need it. However, that pat on the back means shit ifthe whole thing crumbles at the first sign of adversity. Where are you now?

I went in to the broadcasting school and did their little tour. I wasn't sold on this thing. It seemed to me that it was just a big sales pitch. I have always been of the school that real careers in broadcasting and journalism come from talent that one is born with as opposed to skills that are taught. Therefore, I wasn't buying what they were selling. However, I wasn't exactly getting anywhere without it either. So what? I get a call offering me a scholarship that was implied as being a full-paid ride. Well... not so fast my friend. The scholarship offered was $2,000 towards the $12,000 tuition. A sales gimmick that I should be smart enough to stay away from. Not only that but I was in there last Tuesday after accepting an invitation to "the last studio tour before the winter semester begins." I went tonight and there was a tour going on. Another classic sales gimmick. I have seen it a thousand times with my father being a car salesman. You tell the mark how great something is and then you tell them that time is running out to buy. If that isn't enough, you tell them that you are willing to take $2,000 off the top. Why? Because we like you so much... you seem like a good guy and we want to help you out. I know how it works but I was too stupid to figure it out right away. So I was going to bite. Hook, line, and sinker. Hell... I would have gone after the pole, tackle box, and boat too.

I went in tonight and filled out tons of paper work and wasted another Tuesday evening in that place. I gave my driver's license and $50 for an application fee. Yeah... I know I whould have run away from the app fee but they told me ow much promise I had. They told me how good I was. I forked it over. The hot little Asian chick took my application and left the room. She came back a few minutes later telling me that my application for a federal student loan came back denied. However, it would be approved with a co-signer. Now... I am willing to buy into their dog and pony show but I am not willing to drag someone else along with me. So I left in my charcoal trousers, white golf shirt, and black sport coat. I got in my shitty car and drove to my shitty house where I will sleep in my shitty bed and go back to my shitty job tomorrow.

You see... I am not looking for fame and fortune. I just want to be comfortable. I want to be able to support myself and still have something to sock away. I want to have a life that I am comfortable sharing with someone else. I want a life where I know I can have a family and that they will be provided for. That's what this was all about. In sports broadcasting I would ejoy what I do for a living. Someone told me once that if you can manage a way to get paid for doing something that you love, you will never work another day in your life. I don't want to spend the rest of my life living paycheck to paycheck doing something I hate. I don't want to be 50 and wondering what the hell I am going to do if my car breaks down or if the plumbing backs up. I don't want to be my father who lived in his sister's house rent free, bills free and still not having enough money to take in a ball game every once in a while. That is no way to live. Yet here I am. I pay minimal rent. I have no bills aside from my car and cell phone. Still my bank account is in overdraft.

Where did I go wrong? I was born the third child in a poor family. I went to low rated schools in a hick town where the majority of high school graduates still live within a 10 mile radius. The ones that I have heard about getting out and having a great life are girls who married the right guy. I hear it all of the time. Had I not flipped out when my father died during my junior year, I could have been something. Had I not flipped out and decided not to finish my junior year, I could have been something. Had I just somehow avoided a breakdown after the death of the only breadwinner and parental support in my house, I could have been something. Here's the thing. Where were they then? My mother likes to tell the story of how I skipped school all the time and how I didn't do my homework. She laughs as she tells this story but where was she then? Could I have been something? Maybe... but who was paying for the college? I applied for financial aid once when I was 18. I was told that my step-father made too much money. Too bad he wasn't willing to pay for college. He made so much money that I fed and clothed myself since I was 12 years old. Other family members would give me birthday money and Christmas money and I would make it last all year. These were the people that were supposed to put me through school. Hell... they didn't even welcome me into their home after the death of my father. My mother brought me a bag of frozen baby-back ribs in case I was hungry. Thanks mom.

Here is how it is going to be. I WILL make something of myself and when I do, I will personally tell all of those who have always managed to disappear from my life when I have needed them the most to go fuck themselves. My mother is now divorced from my step-father after she came home one day to an empty house and a note that read, "I want a divorce." She now works 12-13 hours a day for pennies just to keep her head above water. She tells everyone that she is doing me a favor letting me live in her house. Truth is... without my rent money, she would not have her new car and new appliances. Without my rent money, the tax man would come and take her house. She asked me to move here when I let her know I was coming home from Vegas. She needed help and I gave it to her. If she thinks she will join in my success, she is wrong and I will let her know why. Same goes for a lot of other people. I'll do this on my own and I will reap the rewards on my own. Now it's time to email every program director within 500 miles.