Friday, December 22, 2006

Something that has been driving me nuts for a while. The definition of being Southern.

Here is the deal. For my entire life I have heard people around me describe themselves as southern. Being that I grew up and, although I have lived elsewhere, I live in Texas, I have to object. Texas is not southern. I know what is being muttered amongst the readers right now. "But, AJ, it is south of the Mason-Dixon line." or "Texas was a member of the Confederacy." These things are true but being a Texan does not make you a Southerner. Texas is Texas. If you have to categorize the state you would have to make it western. Now the complexities arise by the way this country defines it's regions. This task is not done by geographic locations. Instead this is done by culture. Texas is western while New Mexico and Oklahoma are southwestern. Virginia is southern while West Virginia is eastern. It's strange, I know, but follow me on this one.

In this image from PBS the southern states are represented as Virginia, Tennessee, North and South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Arkansas.


So get this straight people from Texas. You are not southern. Stop with the rebel flags and saying things like, "That's what a good southern boy would do." I have nothing against the south. I just don't like being told that I am something that I am not. We are Texan. If you want further proof wipe that barbecue sauce from your chin and analyze it. If it is thick, tomato-based, sweet, and came off of anything beef related, you are not southern. If it is thin, vinegar-based, spicy, dribbled off of a pulled pork and cole slaw sandwich, congrats. You are southern... or you are at least enjoying the one region of this country that managed to get the barbecue right.

While I am on the subject. Pouring chili on enchiladas, while tasty, is not the authentic way of eating the mexican dish. Refer to the greasy, cheesy, and bland food as Tex-Mex because it barely resembles real Mexican food such as carné asada, green chilies and pork stew, and molé. Want the good stuff? Go south of the border just stick to the tequila because the water will make you sick, gabachos.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Spinning my wheels

Thick white smoke rises from the cold asphalt as the tires fail to grip as torque from the engine spins them. No, not literally. This is all a metaphor for my life. I am 26. I will be 27 in a few months. Before I know it I will wake up and be 50 with nothing at all to show for it. Is this that awkward age I was told about? That age where you start to feel to old for the bullshit that you use to coast through life yet too young to really worry about it? From where I am sitting all I can see is a deep cavernous hole that I have dug. Sometimes it seems I dug too deep and am now unable to climb out of it. I shout in anger and frustration for someone to come along and help me only to realize that it is my hole and my responsibility to get out of it.

Where does this come from? So often a very simple thing can trigger these thoughts in me. Today I was informed that high-speed internet was not available in my area of the world. That's right. I live 10 minutes from Downtown Dallas yet DSL is a thing of mystery to these hicks. It is trivial, no? Look at it this way, friends. I have cable television, a comfortable bed to sleep in, heat, air conditioning, food, a car in great condition, and a roof over my head; A place to come home to at night. None of this is mine. The simple fact that I can't get high-speed internet brings it all to light. You see, I have all I need right here but that is not enough. We need more than that. We need those trivial things we want. At 26 years old I should be able to provide myself with such things. The car belongs to the bank. Everything else belongs to Mom. The TV is mine. Sure I pay a rent that would be considered very high, but I owe her that. Truth is, I am coasting and I am tired of it. Only problem is, I have no freaking clue how to get myself out of this hole.

Get a better job, I hear some of you thinking. Fair enough. My Aunt told me the other day that I needed to grow up and get a life. Thank you for that bit of information. Now, would you mind telling me where to start? I have worked in restaurants for my entire working life. Even before I was legally old enough to work I was waiting and bussing tables. I do not exaggerate when I tell you that I know the business inside and out. I could run a restaurant blind-folded. One problem. No one with the authority to hire me for that position seems to think as highly of me as I do. McMullan's chose nationality over experience when choosing their new manager. Texas Land and Cattle shipped me off to Vegas. Lone Star answered my plea for a promotion with a broom and dust pan: "Could you get this out of the dining room." I wasn't at Rumjungle long enough to make a move. Amuse seemed to think highly of the idea. That is until it was time to act on it. Then I was offered grunt work and 8.50 an hour. With all due respect, Mr. Brown, suck my... well you get the picture. So what now? Shall I go and waste another year or two waiting tables trying to catch the eye and respect of someone? Should I seek a different path? Of course the first thing asked at an interview is, "Do you have any experience?" "Well. No, sir, but the one thing I do have plenty of experience at pays for shit and even that shit can't be counted on because it al depends on how many people show up and if they know how to tip or not. Plus there is obviously no advancement opportunities available there."

This means what? I heard someone in the back scream out, "Go to school!" Right. Good idea. However, who will pay my bills while I am doing that? I made 30 bucks last night. 20 the night before. If I am lucky I might pull down 200 for the weekend. School is an excellent long term solution, but right now I need a quick fix and restaurants are not going to cut it. I am past due on this and over due on that. I need cash now. Once I get the making money now thing figured out I promise I will give the school thing another go. What do you think about conning old widows out of their nest eggs and social security check. On that topic, social security, I can't understand why I still have to pay into SSA when they owe me 10,000 dollars. The lease they could do is let me skip paying into the system until the money is recouped, right? Of course not. I am just a voter.

All that aside, I am spinning my wheels and currently feel suffocated by the fumes. Each day I wake up feeling one step closer to being a 50 year old waiter who spends his days bitching about this and that and lamenting that "one day" things will be different. "One day" I'll get my shit straight, make a little something extra to save, meet a nice girl, start a family. I wake up this morning knowing that "one day" will not be today. Each day one day older and one step further from being 18 with my whole life ahead of me. Each day is one day closer to having my entire life behind me with nothing to show for it. Some will say, "You are still young, A. J." Really, no, no I am not. Closer to 30 than to 20. They Might be Giants said it best: You're older than you ever were and now you're even older. Now you're even older. Now you're even older. You're older than you ever were and now you're even older. Now you're older still. Time is marching on. Time is still marching on.

I am not asking for a hand out. Just a helping hand. Oh yeah, and some freaking high-speed internet.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

What might have been.

In the light of recent events concerning race. In light of bad leadership leading our glorious country down an all too familiar path. In the light of polarization splitting those of us who care into two hate-filled groups. In the light of an overwhelming apathy that keeps the rest of us from thinking we, as normal Americans, can do anything to change it. In this light I turn to two men in this country's history who started their political careers with nothing but ambition but grew within themselves to discover sympathy and a heartfelt desire to help not only the weak and poor and not only the rich and strong but all Americans and all members of this human race.

One of these men was a staunch supporter of civil rights and a strong believer in diplomacy before military. He was killed in November 1963 in Dallas, Texas. While John F. Kennedy was a great man in his own right, his death caused a re-birth in a greater man. Bobby Kennedy mourned his brother bitterly and struggled to find his own identity as he served as attorney general under Lyndon Johnson. Bobby was tortured inside by his own distrust in Johnson and his public responsibilities to remain Loyal to the man his brother chose.

The Kennedy's led an easy life up on Camelot and never knew the struggles of poverty and civil rights. Bobby was apathetic to the plight of the black community in the sixties. What did he care? He was a privileged white boy from an upper-class family. It all changed when he was charged with the questioning of law enforcement's activities during a labor dispute among grape pickers. Picketers were arrested because the sherriff was sure they were going to commit a crime. Bobby asked, "How can you arrest someone when no crime has been committed?" The sherriff answered, "They were ready to commit a crime." Bobby laughed in a sort of dumbfounded tone and suggested that, "... on your lunch break you should read the constitution of the United States." Later he would witness blacks in the south being beaten by cops and bitten by police dogs while peacefully protesting. He would see black children swept away by the rush of a fire hose spraying water in the streets. Later LBJ would sign into law the Civil Rights Bill that was introduced by JFK on behalf of his brother Bobby.

After winning in the Senate, Bobby was encouraged to run for President. He did so forcing Lyndon Johnson to announce his decision to not seek a second term. The writing was on the wall. Bobby was steam-rolling in his campaign as he went for California. Bobby Kennedy was to be the next President of the United States. He would have changed the world and of this I have no doubt in my mind. No doubt at all. Instead, he was shot along with five other people in the kitchen of the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles, California after winning that states primary. Bobby was the only one to die of his wounds.

Below is a transcript of a speech given by Bobby Kennedy in Indianapolis just two months before his death on April 4th 1968. He was scheduled to stop for a quick campaign rally. Instead he was informed after touching down that Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated hours earlier. Here was a white man in a black neighborhood at the height of the race wars. He was strongly urged to get back on the plane and go to the next stop. He refused. Upon arriving at the podium he was made aware that the crowd had no idea that Dr. King had been shot. He felt it his duty to inform them and after shaking off an aides redrafted speech, Robert Francis Kennedy delivered an honest, heart-felt impromptu speech that, while in other parts of the country blacks were rioting, left the crowd somber, calm, and united in their mourning. In this speech he quotes a passage from a book given to him by Jackie Kennedy. She gave him this book to help him cope with his brothers death. Enjoy.

Robert F. Kennedy---April 4th 1968

Ladies and Gentlemen - I'm only going to talk to you just for a minute or so this evening. Because...

I have some very sad news for all of you, and I think sad news for all of our fellow citizens, and people who love peace all over the world, and that is that Martin Luther King was shot and was killed tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.

Martin Luther King dedicated his life to love and to justice between fellow human beings. He died in the cause of that effort. In this difficult day, in this difficult time for the United States, it's perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in.

For those of you who are black - considering the evidence evidently is that there were white people who were responsible - you can be filled with bitterness, and with hatred, and a desire for revenge.

We can move in that direction as a country, in greater polarization - black people amongst blacks, and white amongst whites, filled with hatred toward one another. Or we can make an effort, as Martin Luther King did, to understand and to comprehend, and replace that violence, that stain of bloodshed that has spread across our land, with an effort to understand, compassion and love.

For those of you who are black and are tempted to be filled with hatred and mistrust of the injustice of such an act, against all white people, I would only say that I can also feel in my own heart the same kind of feeling. I had a member of my family killed, but he was killed by a white man.

But we have to make an effort in the United States, we have to make an effort to understand, to get beyond these rather difficult times.

My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He once wrote: "Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."

What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or whether they be black.

So I ask you tonight to return home, to say a prayer for the family of Martin Luther King, yeah that's true, but more importantly to say a prayer for our own country, which all of us love - a prayer for understanding and that compassion of which I spoke. We can do well in this country. We will have difficult times. We've had difficult times in the past. And we will have difficult times in the future. It is not the end of violence; it is not the end of lawlessness; and it's not the end of disorder.

But the vast majority of white people and the vast majority of black people in this country want to live together, want to improve the quality of our life, and want justice for all human beings that abide in our land.

Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.

Let us dedicate ourselves to that, and say a prayer for our country and for our people. Thank you very much.